Porcelain | Finn + Kurt, Kurt/Blaine, Finn/Rachel | PG

[denofiniquity]

Title: Porcelain
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Kurt + Finn brotherness, Kurt/Blaine and Finn/Rachel
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,568
Summary: The night of their parents' wedding, Kurt finds himself sharing a conversation about their history, Blaine, and Karofsky with the guy he used to be crazy about and who ended up being his "big" brother. His life, sometimes, is insane.



It's weird, being in his house alone with Finn. A year ago, this might've been his biggest wet dream; now it's just sort of nice.

After the loudness of the wedding, and the insanity of dancing together, and the happiness of sending their parents off to a hotel on the far side of town, there wasn't much to do besides have an after party at the Hummel's. Rachel came, and so did Mercedes, and a few other glee clubbers besides. They'd talked and laughed and watched movies until the wee hours of the morning, their pool of house guests always dwindling until it was just the two of them.

For a moment, Kurt thinks it will be awkward; that Finn won't want to sleep in the house alone with him. He was moved beyond words by what happened at the reception, but he knows better than anyone that old habits die hard.

But Finn's the one who suggests they camp out on the living room floor like kids, tangled up in comforters and pillows with the tail end of an action flick playing quietly in the background.

Kurt's never had a brother before, but this, the quiet camaraderie, seems like a good start.

"Finn," he says after silence has reigned for a long while. His voice is loud in the dark, but it's easier to talk now that the only light is the credits rolling on the T.V. screen.

"Hmm?"

He sounds sleepy, and come to think of it, Kurt is exhausted himself. But he feels the need to keep talking now that he's started, to get this out so that their first night of being a family doesn't end before the past is absolved between them.

"I'm sorry. I never told you that and I should have."

"For what?"

Finn knows for what, or at least, Kurt is pretty sure he does, but after what Finn did for him today, he thinks he at least owes Finn the courtesy of spelling it out.

"For—for harassing you. I—I didn't think—" He stops. "I just. I know what it feels like. To have someone…someone want something from you that you can't give. To have someone try to take it against your will. And thinking about making you feel that way…look, I never thought about what the other side was like, that's all. And now—now I've thought about it, and God, I'm really sorry that I made you feel like this."

Finn leans up on one elbow, looking at Kurt in confusion. "Like this? You know what it feels like?" He frowns. "How do you know what that's like? Is this—is this about that Blaine guy?"

"No," Kurt says quickly, because wow, no, the way he feels about Blaine is quite the opposite, and Kurt doubts Blaine even has the capacity to make him feel like this. He can't believe he himself ever had the capacity to make Finn feel this way, either, although at least he never went this far. "No, not Blaine. It doesn't matter. I'm just sorry, is all. You really stepped up today and apologized for—for. You know. And I didn't even realize until about an hour ago that I never apologized to you. I really should have. I'm sorry."

Finn pats him on the shoulder and shrugs. "It's cool. I mean, it wasn't, but it is now. We're brothers."

He smiles, as if this settles everything, and then flops back down onto his back. Kurt nods, even though Finn can't see him, and does the same, their shoulders touching companionably through several layers of blankets.

After another long silence, Finn says, "If you don't want to tell me who made you feel that way, fine. I get that. But—but seriously, promise me it's not that Blaine guy. Because if he's pushing you to do stuff you're not ready for, then I have to kick his ass. I'm like, two months older than you, and that totally makes me the big brother."

Kurt laughs so hard he actually has to push at Finn's shoulder to let him know what a lovable idiot he is.

"Fine," he says, after his laughter dies down. "You're the big brother. But you don't need to beat Blaine up. We're not even dating. Yet, anyway. We're still 'talking.'"

Kurt always hated the term 'talking.' All it meant was that Straight Guy had taken Straight Girl out on one date and she'd made out with him or something, and they were planning a second date but hadn't gotten around to it yet, so they weren't technically dating, since one date didn't count as dating, and—well, Kurt's head started hurting trying to keep up with the Straight Person Logic after all that, because it seemed like a giant complicated mess to him. So he figured "talking" was for Crazy Straight Kids who didn't have enough drama in their life and needed to create some.

Then he'd met Blaine and…yeah. They were "talking." Because it wasn't dating if they never acknowledged that each outing was, in fact, a date.

"Oh. Then…"

"It doesn't matter," Kurt says firmly. "But thanks. Good to know that the next time a guy breaks my heart, I can sic you on them."

"You totally can," Finn says agreeably. "So what will you do for me if I get my heart broken?"

Kurt considers that. "I'll challenge Rachel to another diva-off and kick her ass so soundly she'll be singing Taylor Swift songs about how someone done went and broke her heart again for weeks. Being better than her is a way more effective way to torture her than physical violence or slushies."

Finn laughs, and flicks the TV off entirely. The room falls into complete darkness and it takes Kurt a moment to realize that Finn is up on one elbow again, hovering over Kurt awkwardly.

"I'm not going to be the Marsha to your Greg Brady," Kurt says, amused. "I'm way over that and even if I weren't, ew, you're my brother now."

Finn snorts. "I just. I'm sorry, but are you sure it's not Blaine? I'm sorry, Kurt, but you can't just tell me that someone is trying to 'take what you don't want to give' and expect me not to put it together with this guy you're spending all your free time with. I mean, I know what dating is like. Always wanting to make the other person happy, especially if you love them. With me, it's not so much sex as Rachel wanting me to do ridiculous songs and wear awful costumes, but—"

"It's not Blaine," Kurt promises. "I swear. Blaine's a perfect gentleman. He hasn't even kissed me yet." The, though I really wish he would, is unspoken, but just as loud as any words he actually said. "Look, Finn, can we please just drop it? I promise you it's not him. It's someone else and I don't want to talk about it."

A long pause, then, "If you were in trouble, you'd tell me, right?"

"Yeah."

"And this Blaine guy really does treat you right?"

"He treats me like a—" He cuts himself off, and laughs.

"What?"

"He treats me like I'm made of porcelain," Kurt finishes, and laughs again.

Finn doesn't seem to understand why that's funny, but Kurt doesn't mind. Only half of his laughter is because of the joke. The other half is the sheer insanity of sharing a conversation about Blaine with the guy he used to be crazy about, who somehow ended up being his "big" brother. His life, sometimes, is hysterical.

"I want to meet him," Finn says finally. "Make sure he's good enough for you. How come you didn't bring him to the wedding?"

Kurt sighs. "Because I told you, we're not even officially dating. Taking someone to a wedding…it's what you do with someone you really care about. Not what you do for your fifth not-a-date. And anyway, don't I get to comment on whether or not the girl you're actually dating is good enough for you?"

"Nope. I saw how happy singing that duet with her made you. Sorry, but your pass to pick on Rachel has been revoked."

"Fair enough," Kurt says into the silence. Then, "I'll see if he's available for family dinner on Friday. Might as well get through introducing him to you, Carol, and dad all at once. You should bring Rachel, too."

"She'll just spend the evening glaring at the competition," Finn says evenly, and Kurt admires the way he keeps all judgement out of his voice.

"Yeah, but it'll be nice. All of us together. Our family and the people we care about. But you have to be nice to Blaine, all right? I really like this guy."

"And you have to not snipe at Rachel for trying to wheedle out Warbler secrets," Finn counters.

Kurt thinks it over, and decides the payoff is worth the price.

"Deal," he says, and though it takes them a moment of fumbling in the dark to find each other's hands, they shake on it.

A little while later, Finn's breathing evens out as he drifts off into sleep, and Kurt thinks that between the wedding, finding a brother, having Blaine in his life—and having Karofsky out of it—things might, for the first time in his life, be looking up.

Comments

[ooshady-girloo.livejournal.com]

total deleted scene right here. just wrap that up into canon.

i totally thought Kurt would tell someone about Karofsky kissing him, that telling Blaine first would have been the catalyst. but he kept protecting the bully (to an extent) and this could have been a major proponent in keeping Karofsky away from him... but no dice. i'm sort of afraid to think what else could happen to Kurt to make him finally break down and tell of this harassment - he might even be back at WMHS when that happens.

[guest-age.livejournal.com]

Well...the thing is, I really wish Kurt would tell someone what Karofsky did to him. Really, I do. Someone who isn't Blaine, and who can see it objectively. (Because I think Blaine kind of...is sympathetic to Karofsky a little? He's obviously on Kurt's side, but at the same time, I think he sees, you know, a fellow gay man going through a hard time, and wants to help Karofsky out of this so they can settle it via reform instead of punishment, if that makes any sense.)

But the thing is...I really believe in Kurt not telling anyone. I went through something similar when I was eight years old and I never told a living soul until I was fourteen, and even then only my psychiatrist. Cops came to interview me to press charges against my own personal Karofsky, and I refused to tell them anything. I have no idea why I protected him that way, but I did, and I don't think Kurt knows why he's doing it, either (outside of the death threat, obviously). It's a very weird and very unfortunate instinct in those who've been treated this way, and even though it's hard to watch him suffering in silence, I completely buy it as natural.

*inhales* Long-winded rant was long-winded.

I have no idea how they're finally gonna get him to tell--I know what finally got me there, but I doubt Kurt could follow my long-twisty path to being open about what happened. I just hope that for his sake, when he does tell, Karofsky is somewhere that he can't hurt him anymore.

[ooshady-girloo.livejournal.com]

*sad smile* i didn't think it was implausible that Kurt didn't tell anyone. just that this is TV-land and i figured the kissing-harassment-molestation would have been easier to tell than the murder threat. at least i thought. it is wholly believable he would tell, for your reasons and more. i had a "Karofsky situation" too, from when i was about 11 to 15. i didn't tell a soul. when i did (i never went to the cops) he didn't get so much as a slap on the wrists and a scare. but the harassment stopped because of the threat of prosecution; and i still see the guy from time to time. but i'm not afraid of him anymore. f'd up, ain't it?

(Because I think Blaine kind of...is sympathetic to Karofsky a little? He's obviously on Kurt's side, but at the same time, I think he sees, you know, a fellow gay man going through a hard time, and wants to help Karofsky out of this so they can settle it via reform instead of punishment, if that makes any sense.)

(RFJRM)$(%#(%JN $#(%JFMF #%)(KFM yes that does make sense! it makes perfect sense to me! why? Karofsky shoves Blaine against a fence, (this is a sliver of what he's capable of Blaine!) and is about to do LAWD knows what else until Kurt pushes him away, and Blaine comments/laments on the fact that he won't be coming out anytime soon. SYMPATHEIC.


I just hope that for his sake, when he does tell, Karofsky is somewhere that he can't hurt him anymore.

that's all i can hope for.

[guest-age.livejournal.com]

My personal reasoning for why it's easier for him to talk about the death threat than the kiss is two-fold. One, it's possible that for him, it's easier to talk about physical abuse than sexual abuse. I have no idea why, but for me, at least, it's far easier to say, "My step brother beat me up," than, "and he also raped me." I guess maybe because physical violence is more common in our culture, or something, but also, and this is my second-reason, a lot of people try to defend rapists and those who commit sexual assault by saying that the victim "asked" for it, or deserved it, or that it was their fault. And given that Kurt is out, I think it's entirely possible he's afraid of saying, "He kissed me," and Karofsky coming back with, "I did not, you kissed me, it was disgusting. Why would I kiss you? You're the gay one," and other people believing him. That was kind of the reaction amongst the people in my small town when it got out that cops had been to my house asking me to spill the story about my former step-brother. They took his side, because why would he do something like that to someone like me? He was a popular football player who could get any girl he wanted and I was the overweight girl in glasses who hadn't even yet had her first significant other.

Oh, lord, this is getting TMI. I'm so sorry. I just really over-relate to the entire Kurt story from the beginning, with Finn and now being step-siblings, and Karofsky, and meeting someone like Blaine who makes you remember how to smile, and transferring schools to escape bullying...it's like they stole my diary and cast an incredible actor to play the lead role.

Long story short, I think it's just easier to say, "That testosterone-laden angry guy beat me up," because that's certainly believable, than it is to say, "That testosterone-angry guy who bullies me for being gay kissed me against my will."

And it probably didn't help that his dad was in the room. Burt Hummel would not handle that well.

[ooshady-girloo.livejournal.com]

admitting physical abuse, is definitely easier than admitting sexual abuse. my reasoning is also similar to yours.

and it is NOT TMI. you just don't know, someone reading this comm that has been abused like us and Kurt and Blaine and countless others might get the confidence to seek help.

I guess maybe because physical violence is more common in our culture, or something, but also, and this is my second-reason, a lot of people try to defend rapists and those who commit sexual assault by saying that the victim "asked" for it, or deserved it, or that it was their fault.

welp. i agree. so let's strive to make society see that victims are just that, victims. and should not be afraid or feel they have to tell half-truths like Kurt out of displaced fear or guilt.

i'm sorry no one believed you were being sexually assaulted. i was speechless about this for quite a while... that's why i'm just now replying. our society, those cops - people that are supposed to make you feel SAFE - etc. are horrible, to have made you go through so much. i'm sorry. and i appreciate you telling me.

i was molested. (first time typing that, wow). i didn't tell anyone until my sister came to me one night, she was crying and told me the same thing had just happened to her. with her at my back i felt obligated to tell my mom. i'd never been more afraid! this total irrational fear, i was so ashamed. in retrospect, i might have been thinking it was all my fault... and my mother didn't know how to handle it (she's no Burt, but she believed us), she's the type to keep everything inside. but she chased the guy away, and he claimed to have reformed, and he was back under our roof in a week. sheesh. i didn't talk to him for cheesus knows how long.

to think we're having this conversation on Thanksgiving. i'm thankful for this comm and the members! and Glee. and awesome fanfiction... and this macaroni that's been calling me...

<<<<33333

[guest-age.livejournal.com]

you just don't know, someone reading this comm that has been abused like us and Kurt and Blaine and countless others might get the confidence to seek help.

That right there is why I will defend this show to the ends of the earth when people hate on it. Is the writing bad a lot of the time? Yeah. It is, and I think we all know that. But it puts this story front and center and says, "Look at it. This is what you're doing to people, and it's wrong." And I am so glad it's on TV telling this story because if it helps even one person come out, or seek help after they've been abused, or gives one person a tiny speck of hope in their otherwise dismal world, then it has justified its existence to me. Watching Kurt has been so therapeutic for me, because it's like he's living my life almost exactly, except he gets some happy endings every now and again where as my experience with the things he has to deal with didn't have that.

I just want you to know that it gets easier to type or say every time. It took me forever to be able to talk about it--I remember a time when every time I said it, I broke down into tears. I don't do that anymore. Now I talk about it freely because I feel like if, by saying it, and talking about the fact that you can get help, and eventually it--oh, I kind of hate myself for stealing this phrase, but it does "Get Better"--and if I do those things and it reaches just one person who thought he or she was alone, or was ashamed to talk about it, or who has believed the lie that it's their fault, then maybe I've turned that awful thing into something good in spite of him and in spite of every single Karofsky in the world who thinks they have a right to hurt other people for sport.

Basically, I try to turn the negative into a positive by using it to help others. If I've done that, then--like Glee--I feel like I've justified my existence. And pissed off a lot of real-world Karofskys in the process, which is always a good thing. :)

[ooshady-girloo.livejournal.com]

i usually avoid talking about it at all costs. if you had not told your story, i probably would have stayed mum. geez, i'm working on it, i promise. it does get better.

Basically, I try to turn the negative into a positive by using it to help others. If I've done that, then--like Glee--I feel like I've justified my existence. And pissed off a lot of real-world Karofskys in the process, which is always a good thing. :)

ALWAYS. *hugs*

[guest-age.livejournal.com]

Just so you know, I'm glad you feel like you can talk about it with me. I forgot to say that before, and I totally should have. If you ever do feel like talking about it, I'm always here. I guess that might sound a little creepy, since we hardly know each other, but let's take it as a Blaine thing, where yeah, you've only known the person for two days, but you still know they'll have your back when you need to confront your Karofsky. Or something. Words, they are not my strong suit.

[ooshady-girloo.livejournal.com]

i appreciate that! it's nice of you to offer! i'm not ready right now, but maybe later? and it's not creepy, you have to meet people some way, right? :)